DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
