Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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