I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
