dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
