Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
