The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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