I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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