I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
