My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
