The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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