I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
