Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't just leave with hair like that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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