Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
