She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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