Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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