is your mom at the bar?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
