apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
