I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
