the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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