after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
