When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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