she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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