i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?