i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow