I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.