Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?