Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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