we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.