I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood