you win again, gameday.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
