Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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