but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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