discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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