the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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