i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
