They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
