When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
