I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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