i barfeds in our rink
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
