True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
