and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dignity is for republicans.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize