im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
