I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
