I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
