you traded sex for a burrito?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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