Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
