Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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