that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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