you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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