just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
