Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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