my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
