My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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