i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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