he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
