Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
40s are totally the cure
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
