after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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