I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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