you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
