If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
