i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
