p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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