At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize