how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
