his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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