She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
