I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
